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Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules

Episode #52: Happy Birthday Grit ‘n’ Grace + a Party Package Give-Away!

 

Cheri:
Let’s dive in. I didn’t even do an intro or an outro, so we’re just going to have to do our favorite thing, we’re going to have to wing it.

 

Amy:
Woo-hoo. That’s all right, we can do it.

 

Cheri:
But it’s a party, and you don’t have a scripted introduction when people show up for parties.

 

Amy:
I think that’s where we should start.

 

Cheri:
Go for it.

 

Amy:
Hey, today’s our party! Woo-hoo!

 

Cheri:
Woot, woot, woot!

 

Amy:
We’re celebrating two things. Grit ‘n’ Grace’s first year, and Cheri’s significant birthday. I’ll let you say, if you want to tell which one.

 

Cheri:
My husband did a worship for Chapel, and he was trying not to tell the kids what my birthday was, and so what he told them was it was a “huge, landmark birthday.” He couldn’t just call it a “landmark birthday.” He had to call it a “huge, landmark birthday.” So then, the teacher sitting next me to turns to me and goes, “So, you’re turning 60?”

 

Amy:
Oooooh, gasp.

 

Cheri:
You have that birthday coming up sometime in the near future.

 

Amy:
I sure do. We have half a century of growth and wisdom under our belt.

 

Cheri:
That’s right. Absolutely.

 

Amy:
I heard Meryl Streep one time, a long time ago, somebody asked her her age and she just said it. She said, “You know, I earned those years. I’m proud of them.” I feel the same way.

 

Cheri:
I’m finding 50 is the best decade so far. Now, I realize I’ve only had two days in to it.

 

Amy:
Wow. They must have been two spectacular days.

 

Cheri:
Like you’ve been saying, at some point you just learn all the caring about things … I was about to say leave the caring behind. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just the things that don’t matter, I don’t care about anymore. I just find I’m so grateful. I’m just glad to still be alive. I really am.

 

Amy:
Tell it.

 

Cheri:
A lot of people don’t make it beyond this stage, so I’m just really grateful.

 

Amy:
Alive and better than ever, girl.

 

Cheri:
Thank you.

 

Amy:
I can attest to that.

 

Cheri:
I’ll take it.

 

Amy:
Here’s a verse that perfectly describe the celebration today. Psalm 9:1 says, “I will give thanks to you Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of your wonderful deeds.” This really has been an amazing year.

 

Cheri:
It has been.

 

Amy:
Let’s see, probably about a year and six weeks ago you emailed and you said, “Would you like to do a podcast?” And without any hesitation I said, “I don’t even have to pray about that, yes!” Because I had been in that isolated state of writing, and publishing and all that stuff, and I was craving collaboration and fun, and this podcast has exceeded every expectation that I had going in.

 

Cheri:
That just does my heart so much good. I had no idea how much I started looking forward to, “Oh, it’s a day I get to talk to Amy!” It wasn’t even, “Oh, we’re going to record a podcast.” It was, “Oh, I get to talk to Amy again.” I realized, hang on a second, this collaboration thing is really, really fun.

 

Amy:
I feel the exact same. What’s been some grit that you’ve needed this year? Something that you’re afraid of, or turned out to be harder than you imagined?

 

Cheri:
I was terrified for probably the first three interviews we did. It was mostly the same old fear of saying something stupid, or dead air time, or … I don’t know, it’s been so long ago. Now, it just feels so natural. I think part of it is because now that I’ve done so much of the editing, I realize everything’s fixable. We’re not live.

 

Amy:
Yes. Editing magic. We love it.

 

Cheri:
Also, just realizing that you can trust the process. When you bring a few good people together, even if you stutter a few times, and you get lost a few times, the fact that there will be an “Aha,” or two, that’s really worthwhile. The number of times you and I have paused just to go, “Wow, we need to let that sink in,” during an interview, or even one of our conversations, it’s made me realize that is worth so much more than the things that I was afraid of, of being boring, or quiet, or whatever. All of that just fades.

The other thing, early on, was the technology. Was trying to do everything all that once. Just getting the microphones set up so that we could talk to each other, I felt like we deserved a medal for that. Like, “Ah, and now we have to interview someone? And now I have to figure out how to save the files?” I mean like, everything seemed so hard, and now … Today I was looking at my watching going, “Oh, I talk to Amy in five minutes. Maybe I should set up my mic.” Everything is so automatic now, and it makes me remember that things that feel really hard when we’re first learning them, they get easier.

How about you?

 

Amy:
That’s big for me too. In the past I have not managed learning curves well, because I’m so afraid of failure, I’m so afraid of not doing it perfectly. It’s really, I’ve talked about this, it’s actually stopped me from doing lots of new things. But here’s the big thing for me, it’s so much less scary to do something new with a friend.

 

Cheri:
Woo-hoo!

 

Amy:
And it’s been such a pleasure to do it with you. We’ve had this whole series on friendship, especially Mary Snyder with the big ah-ha about the Friendship Network. I was like, “Gosh, that is so crucial for us to learn and grow, is to have those friends who will do scary new things with us.” So, thank you for your patience.

If y’all could have seen how many times Cheri calls me on Skype and she’s like, “I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you,” ’cause I couldn’t figure out how to get my microphone to come on, and I’m sweating, and I’m trying not to say bad words. But now we’ve kind of got it. Even if something goes wrong, we’re not so flustered by it.

 

Cheri:
I think we’ve been a good partnership, because we both understand the underlying struggle with perfectionism. I think if one of us had partnered with somebody who was like, “Just get over it, just get over it,” that would have been a little harder.

Well, one of my favorite things is that what we’ve been kind of hoping would happen seems to actually be happening with the podcast. When we talked early on we wanted it to be just like a conversation over a kitchen table with some friends, and pull up and chair and listen in. One of the reviews that’s actually up on iTunes says, “It’s such a fun podcast. It’s like sitting down for a coffee break with my girlfriends.”

 

Amy:
That is such a treat, isn’t it?

 

Cheri:
It is.

 

Amy:
I wish there was a way that we could actually have coffee together. That would be so awesome.

 

Cheri:
Well, I think we’re doing a little bit of brainstorming along those lines, but that’s something we’ll talk about in a few weeks when I’m there, face to face at your house, which I’m so excited about.

 

Amy:
Oh yeah. Hey, you gals watch for some fun upcoming things. Cheri and I are going to be together in person, and we’re going to be doing some fun things for you. So just be watching for it.

 

Cheri:
Absolutely. It could be wild and crazy. As wild and crazy as a couple of good girls get.

 

Amy:
That’s right.

 

Cheri:
We talked about what’s been the grit of doing this podcast, how about the grace? What has been something that’s been surprising or delightful for you?

 

Amy:
Well, I don’t know if it’s been surprising, but it has been even more delightful than I anticipated to talk to so many women, and – these interviews – and to hear the point of view of these women, and to just learn so much from them. But then also, to hear your point of view, the listeners, when you leave comments for us, or leave reviews for us, or comment on the Facebook page. Your insights, and the things that you’re hearing and learning as you listen, oh my goodness, just all of it is so rich and deep.

 

Cheri:
Absolutely. You know, and I’ve said it before but I’m going to say it again, the grace for me, and I’m having a hard time handing over the editing, because I’ve learned so much about mistakes from the editing process. I used to be so terrified. Mistakes were the end of the world. God, I know, has tried to reach me through various people, and books, and through his word. He’s been trying to reach me for 50 years to say, “Cheri, there’s a lot of mistakes that don’t matter, just move on,” and it’s never sunk in.

Something about editing this podcast, and realizing, first of all, I can remove them, and a lot of life is like that, that we do get do overs in many areas, not all, but certainly many.

But second of all, they really don’t matter that much. It’s what we do with the mistakes that matter, not actually making the mistake in the first place. Something about watching the sound waves and actually working with the audio files has finally gotten that into my thick skull, and I see it actually in my everyday behavior. When I make a mistake that a year ago still would have flattened me, I’m a lot more likely to go, “Eh, is it life or death? No. Okay. Move on.” That, for me, is huge.

Amy:
Yes. Well, one of the other things we’ve both talked about is that this processing together has heightened our ability to problem solve and to find creative solutions. Just several weeks ago I was having lunch with a friend. She’s in the same phase of life where she’s an empty-nester, it’s exciting and terrifying to realize, “Wow, I have a lot of freedom to reinvent myself,” so she was kind of pitching out, she had this wide variety of ideas of what she can do next.

We sat there and I just was so inspired and so creative, which shocked me because I’m not such a creative person. As she tossed out her ideas I was like, “Well, what about this? And what about that? And maybe you could do this? You could take that idea and do that,” and listen, that has not been me in the past. I think that this talking through life with you has sharpened that ability to think outside of the box, and to see alternate solutions to problems or to challenges.

How about you?

 

Cheri:
That’s just so exciting to hear. What I’m hearing is a certain amount of freedom, ’cause I think we’re our most creative when we don’t have to worry about being wrong, or stay inside the box. We’d hate to say something foolish that somebody might not choose, or they might say, “Oh, no, that doesn’t fit me at all.” But it sounds like you, I was just watching your face light up as you’re talking about it, and there’s a lot of excitement when you can feel that free. That’s very cool, very cool.

I want you to talk a little bit about what you’re putting in the give away that we’re doing this week.

 

Amy:
This is sort of related to that last point. Cheri and I have been talking and we want to kind of issue a challenge to you, to start a Grit ‘n’ Grace group. A group of women that seriously want to dive in to issues, and topics, and questions, and process life in a lot of the same ways that Cheri and I have been. Whether you use the podcast as a jumping off point, or something else, just bringing your own topic, we have found a lot of value in processing life with a friend. We want to challenge you to do the same thing, so we have a party pack giveaway to start you off.

 

Cheri:
Woo-hoo!

 

Amy:
It has paper goods, decorations, and cute, cute stuff that you could throw a little Grit ‘n’ Grace group party. Invite some friends who you think would dive in deep with you and get it started. We also have a signed book from each of us, and I’ve got some … you’ve got to have jewelry. Girls just love the cute stuff, and we’ve got a business here in Apex, North Carolina called Moon and Lola, that’s kind of famous for designer earnings, so I’m throwing in some Moon and Lola earrings.

Cheri, how about you? What are you putting in the mix?

 

Cheri:
I’m putting in both of my books, and then you know me and my relationship with my laminator, so I’ve got two sets of bible verse cards, one for each of the books, and then a couple of key chains that can also be turned into necklaces. One is a heart shape and it says, “Perfect love drives out fear,” and the other one is the famous hummingbird from Overwhelm.

 

Amy:
I have that hummingbird on my keyring and I love it so much. Tell them where to find it.

 

Cheri:
I don’t know. Where is this going to live? Probably the best place to go is the website for this episode, which would be gritngracegirls.com/episode52.

 

Amy:
Okay, so make sure. We’ve got pretty pictures there, and everything that you can win in the giveaway. What’s one moment from one episode, Cheri, that you’ll remember forever?

 

Cheri:
You stole mine. I’m looking at the notes.

 

Amy:
Oh no! I can pick a different one.

 

Cheri:
It’s okay. No, no, no. No. No.

 

Amy:
Because I’ve got two.

 

Cheri:
You get to have yours, because honestly, the other one that’s almost tied for it, because I hear it when I’m walking through the house. It was kind of a combination of our conversation with Glynnis, but then I think it really was a conversation you and I had afterward. I don’t remember quite what we were talking about. It was something about an idea, or something that was in the process of happening, and you pointed out that it was seeds. It was seeds, you know, that we weren’t there yet, but … Just this whole metaphor that God gives us our gifts as seeds, and everything we do starts a seeds. That’s just been so helpful when I’m struggling with something and it’s not going well, and it’s nowhere near done, I literally hear your voice, “They’re seeds! They’re seeds!” You were so excited about it when you said it. It helps me calm down, because I want to be so much further ahead than I am. I’m like, “Okay, they’re seeds, they will grow if I nurture them. If I’m angry or throw them out the window, they probably won’t grow.” That’s been a moment that absolutely sticks with me.

Share yours.

 

Amy:
I absolutely loved listening to last week’s episode with all the pieces, because there were so many favorites in there. I think the one that was the right words for me, at the right time, was Emily Freeman, when she said, “There you are, we’ve been waiting for you.” Oh my goodness. It makes me choke up now, but I was literally weeping at the end of that interview.

It had been a hard year last year. A year that was just tremendously difficult for me in so many ways. Really, my heart was beaten up. I just felt beaten up. Just her words, “There you are, we’ve been waiting for you.” The love embedded in that, the acceptance embedded in that, my value, your value that was embedded in that, it just was this moment of healing and restoration.

It was one step towards realizing that I had allowed my identity to slip back into perfectionism and performance, and now that’s not where my identity is at all.

We had another reviewer that said, “I love it that Cheri and Amy can laugh at themselves, but also be intentional about living examined lives.” Cheri, how has processing our lives together so intensely made a difference for you?

 

Cheri:
I know I can’t get away with as much.

<Laughter>

Amy:
Oh!

 

Cheri:
When it’s just me living my life I can start fibbing to myself, and then outright lying to myself, and building stories, and believing them, but knowing that I’m going to be having these conversations with you, and you can read me, and we stay on screen so it’s face to face, I don’t know, it really has made me be much more honest. Part of that is because you make it a safe space to be real, but you are also one of those friends who’s like, “Okay, this is where you are now, and where are we going?” You never leave me there. That is a wonderful thing for me to be able to count on.

How about you?

Amy:
I think sometimes life is just so busy, and we go through life by the skin of our teeth and the seat of our pants without really examining things. This has given us a dedicated time to think … Even, we think beforehand too, because we’re preparing. So, we’re thinking beforehand, we’re preparing, we’re pondering, and then we get on here and talk, and the back and forth is challenging. I feel the same about you, that I think we’re both motivated to move forward. We see growth as a lifetime process. I’ve done more thinking, and talking, for me, is part of the processing.

 

Cheri:
No, I understand. Verbal processor, baby, verbal processor.

 

Amy:
Yes, yes.

 

Cheri:
What’s been the biggest blessing to you about bringing on the interns who help us make the podcast happen every single week?

 

Amy:
Everything. I know that’s such a silly answer, but it’s the truth. You know, I was just kind of resistant, because the truth is, the more people you add to a situation, the more it changes the dynamic, and the more possibilities for problems there are.

 

Cheri:
That’s true.

 

Amy:
I kind of just thought, “I don’t know, we’ve got a good thing going here, maybe we should just leave it alone.” There’s that resistance to change again. But, oh my goodness, what a blessing they have been to us, in every way. Not just … In fact, probably the least blessing, which is already huge, is the work they do for us.

 

Cheri:
True.

 

Amy:
The biggest blessing is to watch them build a community of support for each other. That has been incredible.

 

Cheri:
On Sunday, I wake up, and there was more activity in our ministry Facebook group than usual. I’m like, “What’s going on in there?” I look, and it looks at first like there’s a birthday card, and then I realize that it was a video. They had made this almost eight minute video, “Happy birthday to Grit ‘n’ Grace, to me, and to you.” I’m like, “Oh, my, word.” That was just amazing. When we started looking for interns, never in a zillion years would I have thought something like that would happen.

 

Amy:
I started crying, because it so spoke love to me, you know?

 

Cheri:
Yeah.

 

Amy:
It was just … Oh my goodness, it was amazing.

 

Cheri:
Absolutely. One of the things we’re going to do is, on the webpage for this episode we’re going to list the links to their various ministries, because these are some amazingly talented women that our listeners need to check out.

• Amanda Davison

• Kate Hollimon

• Kelsee Keitel

• Kendra Burrows

• Kimberli Freilinger

• Shantell Brightman

• Tammy Littlejohn

 

Amy:
Click on those links and read all about our interns.

 

Cheri:
As we wrap up this episode, what do you think is the bad rule that we broke when we started this podcast a year ago?

 

Amy:
“Avoid scary new things because you might look dumb.”

 

Cheri:
I love the honestly of that rule. Oh my goodness, I totally resonate with it. What’s the facts that we can focus on instead?

 

Amy:
“New adventures usher in new joys.” It’s been so true.

 

Cheri:
It has. It absolutely has. Be sure to check out the webpage at www.gritngracegirls.com/52 where we’re doing the giveaway. You’ll see how to enter it there.

 

Amy:
Next week our guest will be Lynn Cowell, author of Magnetic: Becoming the Girl He Wants, with a terrific conversation about parenting and being an imperfect woman.

 

Cheri:
For today, grow your grit, embrace God’s grace, and when you run across a bad rule, you know what to do. Go right on ahead and break it.

 

Amy & Cheri:
Break it.

 

Outtake

Amy:
Yes, absolutely. Go to the website and click on those links to hook up with our interns. No, no, not to hook up with our interns.

 

Cheri:
I wasn’t sure if that means something different in the South than it means in California.

 

Amy:
No.

 

Cheri:
Specificity is important.