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Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules

Episode #38: When We All Become Ourselves — Affirming Each Other in a Million Little Ways

 

Amy:
What would it be like to quit seeking approval from other people?

 

Cheri:
To “refuse to run” the measure-up race anymore?

 

Amy:
It sounds almost too good to be true!

 

Cheri:
Oh, it does! One listener shared with us, “My biggest struggle with perfectionism and peoplepleasing is knowing myself well enough to just be me …

 

Amy:
and remembering that seeking outside approval leaves me feeling empty, not complete.”

 

Cheri:
Well, this is Cheri Gregory…

 

Amy:
…and I’m Amy Carroll…

 

Cheri:
…and you’re listening to “Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules.”

 

Amy:
Our guest today again is Emily Freeman, author of A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live.

 

Cheri:
If “just being you” feels too good to be true, you’re going to love the words of hope and freedom Emily has for you today!

After the election there was only one blog post I read, from one of the bloggers I trust the most. And, of course, it was yours. Because I didn’t need click bait that day; there was enough turmoil on Facebook. I needed somebody to give my soul a space to breathe.

And I wasn’t thinking that when I clicked on yours. And I don’t even remember the title, I just knew by the title and knowing you that I wasn’t going to be pulled one way or the other, and that it was going to meet a need that maybe I didn’t even know I had that day.

And so, I love hearing you articulate that you’re aware that there are different ways of doing things, but you become aware over time that you could still blog about the election… but you did it very much in your own way, without joining the maddening crowd. I was on the receiving end of what you just described doing, and it was a blessing. It made me peaceful. And that was it. I shut off the media for the day, because I didn’t need to join the yelling match.

 

Emily:
That’s lovely.

Well, and it’s the church being the church. And some of us are fingers and some of us are knees … it’s all different parts of the body. But the truth is some parts of the body get more attention than other parts. But not one part is more important than the other. And I guess in the back of my mind I sort of knew at the end of this election, my role was not maybe pre-election but mine would be post-election.

And don’t we need everyone to operate in their giftedness? I think that’s when I most fully feel myself is when I’m … instead of denying the gift or trying to be someone I’m not, it’s when I embrace it, settle into it, and celebrate my smallness in that area, and then live out from that place.

 

Amy:
And I’m thinking as I’m listening to the two of you talk about the blog posts, I’m thinking about our listeners and how beautiful it is, Emily, that you’re giving all of us permission to be the unique person that God made us to be. Because I was thinking, what if Emily had never come to that place— where you accepted your assignment, the way you were created—there would’ve been a hole where that blog post was for Cheri.

Just like for our listeners if you aren’t accepting your uniqueness and assignment from God, there’s a hole where you’re supposed to be there filling it.

 

Emily:
I love that.
And I truly believe that every person is an artist.
And the reason why we’re artists is not because we are artistic, but because we are made in the image of a creative God who made creativity his number one priority —”In the beginning God made.” And if we are made in the image of a God who made creativity not a weekend hobby but his number one first priority – then, if the first thing we know about him is that, and the first thing we know about us as men and women, that we are made in his image, that’s the first thing it says, he created us in his image. Then that’s really important.

So I think as humans our job is to discover What is the art alive within me? and how might God want to partner with me? How might I be able to partner with him in bringing that art out and offering it to others?

And it might look like writing books, like it does for us; it might look like mothering; it might look like accounting; it might look like friendship. It’s going to look a million different ways for everyone, and it might look a million different ways just for me throughout the period of my lifetime.

And I think that’s sometimes the confusion: we can think Oh it’s just one way, there’s just one big thing I’m supposed to do in the world. And I need to figure out what that is.

But I just think there’s a million little things, a million little ways that God might want to reveal himself through us, throughout our lifetime, in the world. He’s one great God though that we are called to glorify though. And there’s the difference.

 

Cheri:
So, I do have to ask you one question and if the answer is no, then it’s okay, but one of the quotes that I pulled here, you said, “I tend to categorize my emotions the same way I organized my drawers, trying to put like things together. And to separate the jeans from the pajamas. If I’m sad, I can’t also be happy; If I’m longing, I must not be satisfied. But I’m learning in this upside-down and inside-out kingdom of spirit beings walking around in broken bodies, we are not just one way.”

So, did you see the movie Inside Out?

 

Emily:
I did.

 

Cheri:
And how did you respond to it?

 

Emily:
It was fantastic! It was fantastic, I thought!

 

Cheri:
I’m thinking about the end when instead of those emotion marbles being solid colors, they’re starting to come out in multiple colors showing that you can have the mixture of emotions to it.

 

Emily:
Well, it’s such a gift to know that because for so long I felt like this walking contradiction and therefore something is wrong with me.

Again that sense of shame like, “This can’t be real because I’m both of these things.” Part of that just growing up was just teenage angst but when I started carrying teenage angst into my 30s I was like, “okay, this is not healthy, what is wrong?”

But, yeah, have you ever, I don’t know, I don’t remember the last time I cried so like heavingly when like at the end of that movie, when it was like Joy and happiness but Sadness and her parents understood and, oh it was so good!

 

Cheri:
If you had one word of encouragement to leave with our listeners who are recovering perfectionist, recovering people pleasers and there also possibly some who are Highly Sensitive People, what would you want them to know at the end here?

 

Emily:
I guess the first thing that comes to mind is: It’s worth doing the work to learn who you are, because the world is waiting for you.

 

Amy:
Oh my gosh! Emily! I don’t know, you can’t see me tearing up — over and over again during this interview. My word!

 

Cheri:
Okay, thank you!

 

Amy:
You are ministering to me, girl!

 

Cheri:
Okay the “stinging fingers” are at work around my eyes again!

 

Emily:
But you know it’s curious, because why does that make us cry? It really resonates with something deep within us that it’s like we know someone is missing.

Where is she? Let’s bring her out, let’s do the work to bring her out of ourselves and of one another.

What – wouldn’t friendship be beautiful if we understood what it looked like to draw one another out so that we could be gifts to one another and the world around us.

I think we’re scared to do that, but oh, that’s my hopeful vision for us as a generation – is to be brave enough to come out and then to welcome one another with open arms and say, “There you are I’m so glad you’re here.”

 

Amy:
Okay, and now all of us just want to move next door to you! And be your best friend.

 

Cheri:
I’ll sleep on the bench! I don’t even need to live in the house. I’ll just throw a sleeping bag on the bench!

You know Emily, I think it just sounds too good to be true.

It does, it sounds too good to be true.

Thank you for leading those of us who are catching up slowly.

One of the things Amy talks about so beautifully — she says women that are our age are both, we can both, I won’t speak for you Amy, I can see 50 without binoculars at all — and Amy’s point yesterday was that she sees it’s kind of a divide. Where women either really start making some intentional choices to be more joyful and more grateful, or the bitterness settles in. And it’s just resentment and bitterness and disappointment for the rest of their lives.

I just appreciate you so much, I know that we aren’t particularly close in age, but you have blazed a trail that I am so grateful because so much of this rings so true, but there has literally been nobody else in my life to say these kinds of things.

 

Emily:
Awwww, that’s such a gift!

Well, let me tell you—seeing you go through The Artists Bench and the stuff that we worked on together, watching you go through that and then take action? Oh my gosh, there has been no greater joy. I mean that was one of my favorite outcomes of that mentoring group that we did together was because you had some lightbulb moments and then you took the light and you moved forward now that the light was on.

And this podcast is such evidence of that. And I can’t tell you, it is such a thrill for me to be a guest here and to cheer you on in what you’re doing because it’s so beautiful. It’s like you being who you are and then offering it to us. Thank you! Thank you for being brave enough to move towards what makes you come alive, and to partner together as women together supporting each other, I just, absolutely love it! I’m so, so thrilled that you’re doing this! So, thank you!

 

Cheri:
Oh, I mean this is like the highlight of our lives — to be doing this together … yeah, God seemed to be knowing what he was doing in all of this. We’re just going to have to say that.

 

Emily:
It’s such a great package! For the gift that you have, it’s such a great package for it. I love it! The podcast. A podcast, of course!

 

Cheri:
A chance to talk!

 

Amy:
And I am just incredibly thankful to have been invited into it. So thankful.

 

Cheri:
All right, all right. And you know, I made a note … this is something Amy and I, I’m sure, will process next week, but earlier this morning, we did an interview this morning with … Shaunti Feldhahn … (I’m being such a fan girl, I can’t help it) … But she challenged us with the kindness challenge. And Amy and I both know who we’re supposed to be kind to, and it’s killing us. I mean, neither of us want to.

 

Emily:
Oh, that’s funny! Amy: Isn’t that terrible? We don’t want to be kind?!

 

Emily:
Oh, but that’s how it is though, everybody has that person.

 

Cheri: The note I wrote to myself here while you were talking is, “in order to be kind I need to quit competing.” Because it’s the competition — sorry Amy, sorry! — it’s the competition, I’m trying to keep up with and be first, and one-up that is killing the kindness. So, this was a really important dovetail/ Aha! between both of you this morning.

Well, we’re going to let you go. And we so appreciate your time and your willingness to stay on video, it was just wonderful to be able to cry together. What can I say?

 

Emily:
Well, you know.

 

Cheri:
What could be better?!

 

Emily:
What could be better!

 

Cheri:
Thank you so much!

 

Amy:
Thanks, Emily!

 

Emily:
Thanks Amy! It was great to see y’all!

 

Amy:
Good to see you! Bye!

 

Cheri:
Bye

 

Amy:
Oh my gosh. GIRL, you can’t cut one word out of that interview. You know it. So, we have two there…

 

Cheri:
I think so. I’m so glad I asked that last question. I was watching the time like, “well this is kind of long…” but I just had this feeling like, “ha!” Well, there came church!

 

Amy:
Several times during the interview…I mean, all of these interviews are kind of killing me, but there’s something about Emily. There’s that gentleness and that kindness that is a part of who she is that just ministers to my soul, and I know that’s how her whole audience feels. But she’s the knees; she’s just wise.

 

Head over to GritNGraceGirls.com/episode38 to enter this week’s drawing for a copy of Emily’s book, A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live.

You’ll also find some great freebies from Emily, this week’s Digging Deeper Download, Bible verse art, and the transcript.

 

Cheri:
We hope you’ve enjoyed Episode #38 of Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules!

 

Amy:
Join us next week, when Cheri and I will be processing with you what we learned from Emily.

 

Cheri:
For today, grow your grit … embrace God’s grace … and when you run across a bad rule, you know what to do: Go right on ahead and…

 

Amy ‘n’ Cheri:
break it!