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Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules

Episode #20: Savor the Gift of Giving — Navigate the Challenges Without Breaking the Bank

 

Cheri:

When did your family open the majority of your Christmas gifts? Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

Amy:

Okay so it’s always a battle, a little bit. But here…maybe it is at everybody else’s house too. Here’s our compromise: We open one on Christmas Eve, and then the rest on Christmas morning. Cause everybody’s chomping at the bit on Christmas Eve. How about your family?

Cheri:

We were absolutely the opposite! I grew up opening everything on Christmas Eve and then there was one special gift saved for Christmas Day. And I’m just curious how many family fights have blown up over the issue over when is the right time to open gifts? This is the kind of thing we get tripped up over We get sidetracked so easily with things like ‘when is the right time to…’ that’s not the point. That’s not the issue at all. 

Amy: 

Okay so if that’s such a hot button topic I think we should ask our callers or our listeners to call in and tell us when do they open their presents and what kinds of discussions do you have at your house around this topic? What do you think? 

Cheri: 

Absolutely. I will put the link in for that. That’d be wonderful. It’d be great to hear the variety. 

 

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Cheri: 

Hey, this is Cheri Gregory, and you’re listening to Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules. 

Did you know you can join the conversation on our website at GritNGrace.info? That’s Grit, the letter N, Grace (all one word!) dot info. We would love to hear from you in a comment or even a voice message! 

Today, my deLIGHT-full co-host, Amy Carroll, and I are thrilled that you’ve joined us for our discussion on how to give great gifts without breaking the bank. 

So let’s talk about a real hot button topic here. Let’s talk about gifts and money at the holidays. This whole idea that you have to max out your credit card to buy gifts that please your people. Where does this come from? 

Amy: 

Oh my goodness. Well, there’s nothing like giving someone something and watching their face light up on Christmas morning. Isn’t it true? 

Cheri: 

So true. 

Amy: 

And that does come from a good place. I see God’s image all over that because he is a God that gives us good gifts and delights in that. It’s obvious in scripture so I think it comes from a good place. And then, it gets a little twisted. 

Cheri: 

So true. You know, one of the things that I regret from my past, and it did stem from like you said that kind of generous spirit. When I was a teenager I loved giving gifts. In fact for graduation from high school I had a list of I don’t know, maybe 20 friends, and I saved up my money and I gave them each a very special gift that totally fit our friendship. And I remember, how excited each one of them was, and I loved giving gifts. And so that kind of followed through when we were newlyweds and I kept trying to do that. Well, once we had kids and I cut back from full-time work, the desire to give all those gifts remained, but the budget wasn’t there. And that was one of those times that it was so easy to pull out the credit card because it wasn’t for me! It was for such an unselfish reason. 

That was kind of my claim to fame, but I didn’t think of it as pride or anything like that, it’s just I didn’t want to disappoint people. And it really didn’t occur to me to tweak how I did the gift giving to better match the budget. And it was one of the reasons that we ended up…it wasn’t the only reason…but it was that kind of a habit that was one of the reasons that we ended up in bankruptcy court. I didn’t see it happening, you know? With any single gift, I didn’t think, “Oh, this is going to lead us to have to declare bankruptcy.” But it was the kind of the snowballing of wanting to continue doing what I was used to doing for other people that really led us to this place of financial crisis. 

So, you know again in the spirit of offering permission to our listeners, to give them first of all permission to pause and ask, “Where are we at financially this year? What does good stewardship look like this year?” And it might look different than past years. Maybe they’re in a time of financial abundance when they can be really generous with tangible. But maybe they’re at a stage of life where the finances are tight and making the decision to do something that doesn’t cost nearly as much and that’s going to keep them out of debt is going to be the wiser choice. 

Amy: 

That’s a terrific thing to start thinking through this time of year early. Because what happens to me, a lot of times, is I have these great ideas about things to make, since we’re empty nesters I’m in this time of life that I have a little more time in my life. And so I could actually give those gift certificates for acts of service. But if I don’t work on it now, and I’m working on it December 24th, that is going to be tragic. It is not going to end well, that story! 

Cheri: 

Well you know the problem with me in trying to do the handmade crafts is I still racked up the credit card debt because I couldn’t just walk into Michaels and buy the few little materials to make the one little thing? No. I had to buy the whole kit. I had to join a company and buy inventory and then… Because of course all of that was going to be used for these amazing gifts. I had this habit of constantly going overboard. Part of what I had to realize, and this is really hard for those of us who are recovering perfectionists and people-pleasers, is most of the people in our life who really love us, they want our presence more than they want our presents. 

Amy: 

Oh, so good. So good. 

Cheri: 

I think I was compensating with the material things, I felt like I wasn’t enough. But surely if I came with this amazing gift, the kind of gift they were used to getting form me, then that was going to be enough. So me plus the gift. And slowly realizing that, like we talked about last week, if we put a little bit more of that white space on our calendars, then we will be available to offer them our presence and not necessarily feel like we have to compensate with the physical present as much. Boy that’s a lot of messing with the word ‘present’ and ‘presence.’ 

Amy: 

I love it! I love it. More genius word play! 

Cheri: 

Now your boys are in college now, so you’re not buying, at least I don’t think you’re buying Legos for them anymore. How does gift giving change when the kids get older? 

Amy: 

Oh my goodness, this is the really hard part. You know how it is. The bigger the boys, the bigger the toys…and the bigger the cost! So yeah, this is really a big deal. So Nolan, my youngest, is at Appalachian State, he’s up in the mountains, which is a great place to be in the winter time. So of course he wants a snowboard for Christmas. But he has recognized that this might be something that several families would go in on and I said, “Ah, that’s true, it might be!” 

Cheri: 

Very wise, very wise. How do we try to stay on budget during the holidays? We genuinely want to be giving. We genuinely want to give things that are meaningful. What are some ideas for that? 

Amy: 

Well I think it comes from figuring out where you do have abundance. The best gifts come are from our places of abundance. For me, I just talked about, I have sort of an abundance…well, not so much, but I have somewhat more of an abundance of time right now. Some of you have an abundance of crafting ability. Some people might even have an abundance of money. I mean, thank goodness. If this is your year for that, just praise God for it. But I think that we should kind of take an assessment early on here in the season and think about where is our abundance and let’s give out of our abundance instead of our lack. 

Cheri: 

I love that. I love that. And part of that means, taking the time to “pray-cess”…back to that word. 

Amy: 

Mm-hmmm… 

Cheri: 

Because my first thought is, was, when I was in my 20’s or 30’s, I probably would’ve drawn a blank. “What do I have an abundance of? Nothing. I have nothing to offer.” I mean that’s such a typical lie from the enemy that perfectionists and people-pleasers struggle with. And so, to really take some time and maybe even seek out a spiritual mentor to be able to say, “What are my spiritual gifting’s? What are my natural strengths? What maybe one of the five love languages? What is it that I bring?” And talk to close friends and family to find out what do they value? What is it that they receive from us? Because often we have no idea. 

Amy: 

Yes, yes. 

Cheri: 

When they tell us, often we’re like, “Huh? You value that? Well that’s just me!” 

Amy: 

Here’s one of the great things about the Internet, and I know you’re going to include some links on the website this week. Even just Googling, “What can I do for a teenage boy? Or what can I do….” There are so many great ideas. I’m not really creative. I’m a better implementer than I am a visionary. But there are so many great ideas out there that you don’t even have to come up with your own, you can just go find somebody else’s and implement it. 

Cheri: 

One of the links that I’m going to put in there is I’ve got a blog post series about the kinds of gifts to give each person based on their personality because sometimes we buy gifts for other people that we want for ourselves or that we would most enjoy getting. 

Amy: 

That’s right. 

Cheri: 

So, what is a favorite inexpensive gift that you’ve received? 

Amy: 

A friend of mine gave me a gift of flowers in this really cute mug and it was about imperfection. It was after my book came out and the mug looked like it was squished. 

Seriously, one of my boys was like “What happened to that mug in the dishwasher?” But the funny thing was she found the mug at a yard sale, so it cost next to nothing, but it meant something special to me and then she put pretty flowers in it that she probably got from the grocery store. But honestly it’s one of my favorite gifts recently. 

The other one it was a little bit more money, but my husband and I are doing a marriage bible study at church right now. For my birthday that just passed, he gave me a couple’s devotional bible and he had a little love note engraved on it which meant that he did it ahead of time. Now I’m not a gift person and so I tend to think like two hours before the birthday party, “oh my gosh what am I gonna get?” So just the thought that he thought of it ahead of time, that he went and made it happen, and that he went back and picked it up – that meant as much as the gift itself. Just the thoughtfulness that went into it. How about you? 

Cheri: 

Okay well first of all that is so impressive. Berry gets serious props for that. Oh wow. 

Amy: 

He got some good lovin’ for that, I’m telling. 

Cheri: 

You know, my favorite inexpensive gift came from a student a couple years ago. It was a pair of mittens, tied together with a little piece of ribbon and then just a little thank you note attached to it. And they were literally 50-cent mittens from Target. But you know, I lose everything. No, I don’t lose everything, I always lose ONE of a pair of anything. So for someone to give me a pair of mittens that I didn’t have to worry about losing, and by the way, I haven’t lost either of them. They’ve stuck around. 

Amy: 

Wow. 

Cheri: 

It was practical, it was simple, and I love the fact that they went ahead and did it. They didn’t feel like “Oh, I can’t spend enough money or I can’t do the perfect gift so I won’t do anything at all.” I like it way better than cheap chocolate. If any of my students are listening, nothing that doubles as a brown crayon please, okay? High quality chocolate only. I’m a picky gift receiver. 

Amy: 

Yes, Mrs. Gregory. 

Cheri: 

How about a favorite inexpensive gift that you’ve given? 

Amy: 

I am domestically challenged in the kitchen, but I love to sew. And I have an ancient sewing machine that barely works, but I like to do sewing projects. So one of the things that you can do, that’s inexpensive is, to, you can find scrap material so inexpensively. And pillow covers are so in. So you can Google pillow cover and you get, it’s so simple to make, it’s basically cutting out squares and sewing them together. And you can make really pretty pillow covers. 

Another little gift that I’ve actually bought but I’m thinking about making some, is this little handy dandy lavender eye pillow. It’s like a little pillow and you put flaxseed and lavender and lavender oil in it and then they can go in the freezer or in the microwave to lay on your eyes. So they smell good, they make you feel good, and this one that I have is made with a vintage hand towel. I’m just telling you it is the cutest thing. So those are some of my projects I’m thinking about for this Christmas. 

Cheri: 

I love it and you know, the extra gift of that last one is the gift of permission to lie down for five minutes, put that across their eyes, and take a little bit of a break. And so that’s great. 

Amy: 

Yes. 

Cheri: 

One of the best gifts I ever gave was actually to my mother. I never knew what to give her at Christmas, never, ever, ever. Because I grew up with this whole idea that I could never please her, and so it was kind of this self-fulfilling prophesy. I didn’t really try that hard. And one year I just felt so convicted. I wanted to finally do something that showed that I really understood her and was listening to her. And so I wracked my brains for anything she had ever said she needed or wanted. I remembered that as many years as I could remember, she would tell the story of when she taught fifth grade. She always would say, “Oh I loved that reading book. I wish I had kept a copy.” And she would always mention the name of it, Engine Whistles. 

I was fairly new to eBay and half.com, but it hit me in October of that particular year. I sell used books, I could probably find this. And so I went on and sure enough, there were enough copies. I even had to call my dad and find out what year she taught so I could find the edition that was most likely hers. I don’t think I’ve ever been as excited to give a gift in my entire life because I knew I finally had something that was going to absolutely floor her and was really and truly a perfect match. 

I will never forget the look on her face as she opened it up and she was like, “Where did you find…?” I mean she was just a blown away and her eyes got a little bit moist. She adored it. I mean she just spent hours paging through it and the memories came back for her. And it was one of those moments when I realized this is what happens when we listen. 

Amy: 

Oh! 

Cheri: 

This is what happens when we pay attention. 

Amy: 

That’s so interesting, because as I listen to you, I think it’s the listening that was the essence of the gift. It wasn’t the thing-the item at all. LOVE IT! Love it. Love it. 

Cheri: 

And so that ties into the verse that you shared in our last episode and I want to read it again because I just thought it was beautiful and I love how you applied it. 

Matthew 11:28-30 from The Message: Are you tired, worn out, burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me. Watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep-company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. 

I was just thinking, if we immersed ourselves in that verse as we think about gift-giving this season, how much freedom is there to realize that God doesn’t place burdens on us? And so we don’t need to accept the burdens that this commercialized society place on us. All of the stores that are shouting advertisements at us and trying to convince us that if we don’t buy the perfect thing for each person in our family it has some horrible meaning. But the ability to slow down and be spirit-led as we’re contemplating and listening for those ideas for what to buy or make or ultimately give as gifts to people in our families. 

So this podcast is named Grit and Grace. How do grit and grace fit in with gift giving at the holiday season and trying to stay on budget, which is what we’re talking about today? 

Amy: 

Well as you were talking about Matthew 11, I thought I can’t think of anything personally that feels heavier and more burdensome to me than debt. And I will not claim to have done this perfectly at all, but it takes some grit in our culture to resist the temptation to whip out that credit card at Christmas time. I think it takes real intentionality and fortitude and grit not to give in to going into debt at Christmas. 

Cheri: 

And then as far as grace, when I ask myself, “Where did these expectations come from?” The expectations of the kinds of gifts I should be giving, or even the sense that I could never give my own mother a good enough gift. She didn’t lay that on me. The people who love me don’t lay these things on me. 

These are all expectations that either I conjure up in my own head or I let social media and advertising lay on me. So I think that really the grace piece in all of this is really staying connected, and making it a huge a priority this holiday season to make sure we are taking our quiet time and make sure that we’re really staying connected with our lifeline. Because otherwise, it is so easy to get sucked into all of this. 

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We hope you’ve gained some ideas for finding grace-filled debt-free ways to love the people in your life with genuine gifts this holiday season. 

If you head on over to the web page for today’s episode at GritNGrace.info, you’ll find a free downloadable that helps you think through your gift-giving this Christmas! 

And you’ll also find this week’s “permission slip” to remind you that you don’t have to obey the bad rule that says, “You have to max out your credit card to buy gifts that please your people.” 

Instead, you can focus on the fact that, “The best gifts come from our places of abundance.” 

We hope you’ve enjoyed Episode #20 of Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules. Join us for next week’s HOLIDAY BREAK, when Amy and I will discuss decorating our homes for the holidays. 

For today, grow your grit … embrace God’s grace … and when you run across a bad rule, you know what to do! Go right on ahead and BREAK IT!