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Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules

Episode #197: How to Harness the Transforming Power of Surrender

 

Note: This is an unedited, machine-generated transcript that is 70-80% accurate.

 

So, Amy, I am anxious to hear from you any of your newest thoughts or experiences or insights into our favorite word, the C word.

 

Oh, awesome.

 

Really? That’s our starting today? Yeah,

 

no, it’s, uh, you know, I guess my continuing insight is just when I think I have control over my control issues a pop up again, and there’s nothing like a pandemic to have a boil up to the topic and you know, and just this week, you know, I just had a mama meltdown over something and, and I wanted to control my I actually wanted to control my emotions and I tried to control them out until they just busted in and busted me up yesterday. And then I realized again, I can’t I can’t control all that that I just really need a savior. I say Emily p Freeman says like we just we just really need a savior for that why am I so shocked again?

 

Well okay you got you and I are kind of at the same place because and I know that I have made progress because I know there is plenty of evidence that the Holy Spirit have been working in me. There has been transformation and change. But I have these two things are true at the same time I have made progress and I am a mess. I have found myself on edge with all sorts of things and when I’ve processed it, all I can come up with right now is that I have been patient. I have been strong. I have been flexible, and I have been gracious for long enough.

 

You got the end of time and

 

I can’t take it anymore. I am like so done. And yet it appears that that like requires me to continue being patient and strong and flush flexible and gracious. And I am just I am so ready to throw a temper tantrum and just pout because I am tired and I realized what I’ve been doing again, is I have been white knuckling it I have been muscling past the gag reflex. And all of those are symptoms of me doing it myself. Because I, I feel like I can power through but whenever I do the power through thing I don’t know about you, but I always feel like I set myself a goal like I can do it until Thursday, or I can do it for 10 more minutes or I can do it until the end of the school year or whatever it is. And then that time comes. And I’m, I’m done. So yeah, that’s where I am today. Me I am done. I am completely, completely done.

 

I get it. We need a savior, and we need a source.

 

Well, this is Cheri Gregory.

 

And I’m Amy Carroll

 

and you’re listening to grit and grace. podcast that equips you to lose who you’re not love who you are, and live your one life well.

 

Today we’re thrilled to be talking with Barbara Bruce author of surrendered letting go and living like Jesus. Barb is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about connecting women to one another and to God, helping them to apply the truth of God’s Word to the practical realities and challenges they face as women in today’s culture.

 

Barb enjoys teaching and encouraging women at conferences and events across the country, as well as internationally, including national platforms such as the Aspire women’s events, she speaks conference, and the UMC Leadership Institute.

 

She’s the author of Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus and several other books and Bible studies.

 

This week’s interview and next week’s convo are made possible in partnership with Compassion International,

 

Compassion International helps children flourish through a relationship with a local church and a caring sponsor a child is able to discover his or her true value

 

For $38 a month a sponsored child receives

 

• love that unlocks the potential within their heart,

 

• education to defeat illiteracy and provide critical skills

 

• supplements to protect against malnutrition,

 

• healthcare to fight back against disease and sickness

 

• Christ centered guidance through a local church to overcome fear and hopelessness,

 

• recreational activities to protect from crime, violence and danger.

 

In a world where nearly 400 million children live on less than $1.90 a day, child sponsorship is a strategic way to provide children with compassion, resources and hope.

 

And when you sponsor a Compassion child by visiting https://GritNGraceThePodcast.com/Compassion, you’ll receive a copy of Barbara Roose’s book, Surrendered, for free!

 

Amy: Okay, Barb. So you know, I adore you. And I had the pleasure of getting to endorse your new study. And so I’m so excited today because when I read Surrendered, I knew – well, number one, it was for me. And number two, I knew it was for our audience. Because Cheri and I talk about the ‘c word,’ control, all the time. And you have written a study that helps us. So tell us about your new study, Surrendered: Letting Go and Living like Jesus.

 

Barb: Well, Amy and Cheri, I am so excited to be with you and to just, for us to kind of sit in this conversation and welcome in everyone who is listening with us. Because this is a sisterhood journey for so many of us. And Surrendered was written for the woman who is just tired. She is trying to protect what she loves. She’s trying to fix what’s broken. She’s trying to keep everyone and everything on track. And she is worn out. I wrote it for her. Because for much of my life I was her. Surrendered isn’t about trying to beat ourselves up or offer simple answers, but rather to offer us this footprint of saying, “God has a better plan for us. He’s got promises for us. And this is how we do our part.” And so that’s the heart behind the Surrendered study.

 

Amy: Well, and goodness knows, we in this pandemic have lost so much of this control that we’ve tried to create, that we need those steps right now.

 

Barb: Absolutely, yeah.

 

Cheri: I’m busy blinking back tears over here. I’m wondering why the Kleenex has always gone when I need it. So Surrendered focuses on Jesus time in the wilderness. How do you use the wilderness as a metaphor for the reader?

 

Barb: Well, we love metaphors. Because when there are things that we can’t understand, metaphors help make them a little more tangible for us. So the wilderness is this symbol of a space that is – it doesn’t have a lot going on, it’s barren. And spiritually speaking, the wilderness is a place where there’s no comfort. And so Jesus in the wilderness, as He is there – and what I love is the setup behind Jesus in the wilderness, He was having like a fantastic day. He had just been baptized. I mean, the Holy Spirit comes down from above, God is speaking from heaven, Jesus is coming up. I mean, it’s an Instagram story that everybody would be sharing.

 

(Amy and Cheri laugh)

 

And then in the very next verse, it says that the spirit let Jesus into the wilderness. And in the wilderness for us, the wilderness is a place where it is a time where you have no control. It’s a time where the stakes are high. It’s a time where there’s a lot of emotional confusion. Your life feels like it’s pressing pause. And we see some of that played out while Jesus is in the wilderness. But one of the most important lessons, the most important lesson that we can take in a wilderness season, is just as Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit. We’re not in the lone in the wilderness either. Jesus was in a place without comfort, but he was there with the Comforter.

 

Cheri: Mmm.

 

Amy: That is such an important distinction because I think so many times we process a wilderness as a punishment from God, or an abandonment from God, but you’re saying that the Spirit led him there. And that is powerful, Barb.

 

So I know that in the book, in the study, you are so transparent about your own painful wilderness. And can you tell us a little bit about that and how Surrendered isn’t just a study to you, but it was a personal journey for you?

 

Barb: Very much so. For context, I wrote Surrendered at the end of my wilderness season. And it was very strange because when we feel that spiritual metaphorical wilderness, one of the biggest issues is when are we going to get out? When are we going to get out? And in the, in the, and in Surrendered, I actually contrast Jesus’ time in the wilderness with the wilderness – with the Israelites’ 40 years in the wilderness. They had no idea they were going to be in the wilderness for 40 years. And some of that was because of their own fear. And some of that was because of their own struggles and trusting God. But yet, even though they struggled, God still took care of them every day. So I want to say that to anyone listening out there, we all struggle in the wilderness. I was in the wilderness for 10 years. I had control issues before that.

 

(Amy and Cheri laugh)

 

And part of my, my journey was I grew up – I’m for those who are Enneagram people, I’m an Enneagram three who looks a lot like an eight. So that might help set the scene for some folks, which means that I want what I want when I want it.

 

(Amy and Cheri laugh)

 

And, and during my motherhood years and my professional years, I just had these, this idea of what life should look like, and I could pull it off. But then about a decade ago, an addiction issue arose in our home. And for many years, I was praying “God, please fix it,” many years I tried to fix it myself. In the Bible study, I identify what I call the SHINE controlling behavior, SHINE, S-H-I-N-E, meaning we try to cast our power – S is for stonewalling, digging our heels in; H is for helicoptering or micromanaging; I is for interrupting, which isn’t just with words but actually interfering with someone’s life; N is nagging, I don’t need to explain that –

 

(Amy and Cheri laugh)

 

Amy: We’re so unfamiliar with that, though, Barb!

 

(All laugh)

 

Barb: Then the E is excessive planning or excessive stockpiling. And those, that identified my wilderness struggle. So over the decade in dealing with just me as well as the addiction issue. This was a place where God had to do a lot of work in my heart life and I fought Him for a long time. But there came a point, at many stages, where I had to learn how to surrender.

 

Amy: So powerful. And um, I’m watching Cheri’s face –

 

Cheri: As you’re going through the SHINE, I’m so tempted to be like, Barb, you’re breaking up so sorry. We’re having internet difficulties. Guess we’ll have to cancel this interview. Maybe another day. It was really nice meeting you. Oh my word, my toes. Amy, I don’t know about yours, but whoa.

 

Amy: Oh yeah. This is not my first exposure to this so I’m not hurting quite as badly.

 

Cheri: You’re looking a little too gleeful at the pain on my face. You knew what I was in for and you didn’t warn me, girlfriend.

 

Barb: Cheri, I love you because you are the voice of, you’re the voice of all of us. I mean, I might have written a Bible study but Jesus is still working it by heart. So I love that you are giving voice to – those things are real. And it’s not because – we’re I call it control-loving. We often say “Oh, I’m a control freak.” Yeah, I don’t think we don’t – we don’t want to be labeled by the things we struggle with. We are God’s beautiful lovable capable daughters. And so we – being a control freak, that’s an identity but control-loving that’s, that’s like a behavior that Jesus can do something with. We can ask Jesus to work in that. But I just love, love that you gave voice to how so many women feel.

 

Cheri: Well, and I love how specific you were. I mean those, those – like, I’m gonna go write them down and put, post them somewhere because those every single one of those lands. And I know that our listeners are right here with us right now going “Oh yeah,” they recognize at least one. And if I know our listeners, well, they recognize a whole bunch of them. So all right, so you took us through those five of S-H-I-N-E, so now I’m really excited to hear: would you share with us and with our listeners, what are those six surrender principles and when should they be used?

 

Barb: Well, I know that the listeners can’t see them, but I’m holding up this actual card. I actually have this card and so when I’m at speaking events, or when someone orders the book off my website, I always include this card because what I realized in the wilderness, the first thing that has to happen in the wilderness for us to let go of control because we can either give up, just throw our hands up in the air when the kids won’t straighten up and fly right, during the pandemic season when we didn’t have control over a lot of the places we could go to, we could give in and just sit in front of the TV all day. There’s a chapter titled “What are you hungry for?” that ties into Jesus’ first trial in the wilderness, which I believe that that’s really for us women because Satan told Jesus he could turn the stones to loaves of bread and honestly, we have turned everything in our lives into food during the pandemic. Bless it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

(All laugh)

 

So there are, there are just, there are some struggles, but when we get our heart set and go, “Okay, God, we’re going to give you permission to work in us;” then these six surrender principles are essentially tools. Because our control-loving behaviors have been the tools that we’ve been using to try to get things done. But we need a new set of tools. So these tools are very simple. Number one is I am not in control of others or outcomes. So when my adult kids call and they’re making decisions that I’m like, “They’re adults, they’re on their own,” I – and when I’m tempted to use one of those control-loving behaviors, I have to go “Barb, you need to switch over to a healthy and helpful tool.” Okay, I am not in control of others or outcomes. Number two, I choose to live by faith, not rush to follow my feelings. There’s nothing wrong with our feelings. God gave us our feelings but rushing to follow them, that’s not always wise. Number three, I can always let go and give my problems to God. I love this because we beat ourselves up for control-loving behaviors, we can always let go, we can always start over again. Number four, trusting God’s promises will bless me, but pushing my plans will stress me. I think we’ve all been there. (Barb laughs)

 

Amy: We really need video on this interview, Barb. If everybody could see Cheri and I reacting like “Oh, ooh, ah,” yeah, so good.

 

Barb: So number five, when fear attempts me to flee, fix or force my way. I will choose to stop and pray. This one’s been so helpful for me. Because whenever I recognize those feelings, I go, “Wait Barb, you can stop and pray.” It gives me an option to do something other than default to control. And then number six, surrender is my only path to God’s peace, power, and provision. And that, that one for me – when I realized in our family, especially as the addiction issue got worse and not better, I knew that I was not going to be able to stop the trajectory that we were on. And I, I knew that letting go was my only method of survival. That was it. And so I just had to go “Barb, you’ve got to survive. You’ve got to let go. You’ve got to surrender if you want God’s peace and power in your life, so those are the six surrender principles.

 

Cheri: Whoa, girl, thank you so much. Wow. Like, you know, my husband does the sound at church. So we never actually say “This is a mic drop moment” because he hates that metaphor, but this is all such mic drop stuff, and I can just – I will be using it already today. So, so, so good.

 

Amy: So these – your steps. And this is what I loved about your study so much, Barb, is it’s so clear, it’s so memorable. And those steps are – like Cheri said, gonna help us today. But why is it so hard? Like why? So we can know what to do, but why is it so hard to trust God to take care of us when he promises that He will?

 

Barb: Well, that is a fantastic question that we all ask. And that’s where I love contrasting the Israelites in the wilderness. One of my favorite study moments was it was about six weeks. It’s the 15th day of the second month, it says, this is scripture, the Israelites had come out of Egypt. Now, remember, they have been enslaved for 400 years, God sends Moses, Moses does all kinds of stuff, they are miraculously and spectacularly freed from slavery. And then on the 15th day of the second month, they’re like, God’s gonna let us starve. And like, I was like, “But, yeah, I do that too.” And so God says, I’m going to send you manna. And so He not only provides for the people each day, he provides for them for 40 years. However, however, there is the next story where the Israelites who I’m imagining picking up manna, they’re like “We want meat.” And I got to think that God’s in heaven and the angels are like, “Did they just say that?” Just while they were picking up manna were they complaining about not having meat?” They do not need Kroger click list. They do not need a job. They don’t have a house. They don’t need to even go to the store to pick up the food. He is delivering it to their front door every day and they’re talking about meat. Part of where we struggle to trust God is because we have our eyes on what we want instead of keeping our focus on the God that we need. That’s always where our struggle begins.

 

Amy: Mmm. Okay, that’s a c’est la vie there. Yes.

 

All right. So Barb, we have started inviting our listeners into our interviews through our Facebook page. So they have submitted some questions for you that we want to present you with.

 

Barb: Love it.

 

Cheri: Alright, so this one – I love this question so much. Here’s your question: “Do I have to?” (Cheri laughs) And no, I didn’t write that question, that really did come from, from one of our listeners.

 

(Amy and Barb laugh)

 

But I support it heartily. I mean really, do we have to surrender?

 

Barb: First I’m going to ask: is that listener’s name Cheri? No, that is, that is, that’s a great question. Do you have to? The answer is no. You don’t have to. But the question is, how’s it going for you? I mean, that’s, I think that that’s the part that we, we, we have to be honest with ourselves. And I don’t know about you, Cheri and Amy. When I think about some of the control-loving behaviors when I use them, the people in my life, they are not happy with me. People in our lives do not love it when we try to control them. They’re not excited when we’re nagging. They don’t get enthusiastic when we’re interrupting. And then when I think about me, when I lay my head down at night, after I tried to fix and force or run away, there’s no peace. And so do we have to? The answer is no, you don’t have to. But if you want peace, if you want God’s power, if you want to see Him provide in ways that you can’t do it on your own – surrender is hard. But as I say over and over again in the Surrendered study, it’s absolutely worth it.

 

Amy: So good. All right. So our last listener question is, she says “I feel like I’ve grown so much in this area and let a lot of things go that I used to have to control, but there’s times I can’t take it anymore. So how do you deal with these feelings that keep coming back over and over again? Will I ever really be free of it?”

 

Barb: Mmm-mm, I love that.

 

Amy: Great question.

 

Barb: It is a great question! And what I’m hoping is that what I’m going to say brings some freedom. One of my favorite quotes, it’s from my Winning the Worry Battle book. I put it in there, but it’s from Margaret Thatcher. And she said, “Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” And for me, it reminds me of Philippians 1:6, where God says, or where the scriptural author says, it was Paul, and he says, “God who began the good work within you will carry that work on to completion until the day Christ Jesus returns.” We’re all going to fight some kind of battle, and the fact that we have to keep fighting that battle over and over again, that doesn’t diminish us. Psalm 34:19, I think it’s Psalm 34:19, says the righteous person falls many times. But God picks him up every time. So for some of us, we’re gonna struggle with control-loving issues and the roots of that are found back with what happened in the Garden of Eden with Eve. But it’s not the struggle that we, I think need to focus on. It’s having confidence and freedom and knowing that we can have victory every time when we let go and let God.

 

Amy: So much hope in that answer. Thank you, Barb.

 

Cheri: Barb, before we do the last question. Can you just say the phrase “God picks us up every time” because we got a bobble on the word time and I want to make sure that word comes out on the recording so however you said God picks us up or picks you up every – I don’t remember – Amy, do you remember what she said? God picks – I think it was just –

 

Barb: Yeah, Psalm 34:18 or 19, “The righteous man falls many times, but God picks them up every time.”

 

Cheri: Perfect.

 

So Barb, thank – thank you so much. This has just been such a blessing to me. I’ll just speak for myself. And our listeners are in for such a treat as they listen here. What closing words do you have to motivate – I was going to say our listeners who want to choose to surrender, but I’ll just make it personal. What closing words do you have for me? I want to choose to surrender. Help me. Help motivate me here.

 

Barb: Well, as closing words, I actually want to track back to something that we tackle right at the very beginning of the study, when we show up in the wilderness, in order for us to begin the journey – well, anytime we are confronted with letting go of control, I call it the ABCs of the wilderness. So this isn’t about what we’re going to do, but it’s about how we can be. And these ABCs: the A is always know that you’re loved. That God loves us unconditionally. The B is to believe that God is for us. Because when we believe that God is for us, it makes it easier for us to let go because we know that we’re not in it alone. And the C is to challenge yourself to trust God and let go. And it’s just that, that decision that we make, that declaration inside just says “Okay God, if it’s going to get done, you’re gonna have to do it.” So we start with the wilderness ABCs, and we let the journey unfold from there.

 

Cheri: Whew. Wow.

 

Amy: That was awesome, Barb.

 

Cheri: This is amazing, Barb. This is just what Amy needed to hear, right?

 

(All laugh)

 

Amy: Yes, it was what Amy needed to hear again.

 

But it was such perfect timing, Barb, you know, for everybody that will be listening.

 

Cheri: So, so good.

 

Barb: And I appreciate you saying that because right now I’m sitting in my two bedroom apartment. And part of my surrender journey was two years ago, I lived in a five bedroom house two streets over. And this two bedroom apartment is a part of my wilderness story. Because the things that I had to let go, were things that were very, very hard to let go of. But I am always reminded that at the end of the wilderness, God, Jesus, when He left the wilderness, that’s when he began his public ministry. And for all of us in our wilderness seasons, it’s not just so that we can get through the season and say, “Woo! That’s over with!” it’s because God wants to send us out to share our stories with each other. And so whoever is listening out there, the wilderness season that you’re in is not the end of the journey of your life, that God wants you to share your story with others to encourage them, to put a smile on someone’s face, and to just know that they are not in it alone.

 

 

We hope you’ve enjoyed Episode 197 of Grit ‘n’ Grace — The Podcast.

 

Listeners, we’re so grateful that you join us each and every week!

 

And we’re so excited about our partnership with Compassion International.

 

Child sponsorship is the most cost effective way to end child poverty. It not only addresses a child’s immediate physical needs, it also builds self esteem and self respect.

Cheri, can I share with you how we funded our child sponsorship with Compassion?

 

Oh, of course!

 

When my kids were growing up, we would take one night a month, and we wouldn’t go out to eat, which is a regular occurrence at my house, we would eat beans and rice, a simple dinner at home. Instead, we would write a letter to our child and we paid for our child. So it helped us to have the money to pay for the sponsorship and to invest in our child.

 

I love that so, so much!

Listeners when you sponsor a Compassion child by visiting https://GritNGraceThePodcast.com/Compassion, you’ll give a child the opportunity to develop their God given potential and be released from the poverty that has trapped their families for generations. And as a thank you gift, you’ll receive a copy of Barb Roose’s book Surrendered for free,

 

Check out our web page, https://GritNGraceThePodcast.com/episode197. There you’ll find this week’s transcript links to Barb’s website and social media, and a direct link to order Barb’s book Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus.

 

If you’re not yet a member of our Facebook group, we would love to have you join us. Just go to the Facebook search bar, and type in grit, and grace that community, and you’ll find us.

 

Join us next week as we process what we’ve learned from our interview with Barb Roose, author of Surrendered: Letting Go and Living Like Jesus.

 

 

For today, grow your grit, embrace God’s grace. And as He lights the path along the one beautiful life he’s planned for you take the next step and LIVE IT!